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The Otaku's Baka Guide to Harem Management

Welcome to Baka Guides, your premiere source for informative Otaku related life advice and tips on the internet, and holder of Dexomega’s prestigious “greatest document ever” award.

Author’s Note: Nov 9, 2019- This post has been edited from its original posting to remove some insensitive jokes pertaining to misgendered/trans characters, jokes that would be considered harmful, and that now the author (I) has wished were never written and would not write again. I apologize to all those I have offended, and hope those who were/ have been will forgive me.

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Disclaimer: Baka guides holds no responsibility for the accuracy of their statistics, or the effectiveness of their advice. All actions taken on account of this information is at the perpetrators own risk.

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Harems… an inescapable romantic situation for many of our high school aged leaders and associates, is an ever increasing and common occurrence. In fact many of our main protagonists these days are expected to have at least 2 potential love interests, anything less would demean their importance as people. As this is the case however, the sad truth is that multiple love interests comes with the often thankless task of keeping all of the parties involved happy and contented without upsetting any of them. In order to help in this endeavor, we at Baka Guides have collected some pertinent information on how to manage most of the common occupants of your Harem, in order to keep everyone healthy, happy, and free to love.

The first point to note about Harems, is that in order to fully enjoy your Harem, tension must be maintained between the romantic interests of the Harem to its Host, and the camaraderie between the members of the Harem. Focus on one over the other will inevitably lead to either the breakdown of the harem as the “losers” of the “canon” pairing drift away, or else the falling out of the center as the Harem’s actual friendships overtake their felt desire for the Harem Host. Therefore it is paramount to maintain enough of a romantic interest to each member, once their entrance into the harem has occurred, but not to be so overwhelming that the other Haremites lose hope of winning your affection. It’s a delicate balance, one that is best served by the incredibly deft, or the incredibly dumb. But since the 2nd option can only really be performed by incredibly talented ignorants, the following guide will be more useful to those looking into handling your Harem deftly.

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Common Female Archetypes:

Tsunderes

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One of the most common types of people to find in your harem, the Tsundere are by nature fickle creatures. Constantly self conscious, irritable, and often prone to violence, they are often difficult to get a handle on initially. Of course underneath their over-reactive exterior is a likely sweet girl, who does harbor feelings, thus in order to make everyone’s lives easier (including your own) it is best to get past their harsher “tsun” exterior to their “dere” core as soon as possible. The best and fastest method to do this is to get involved in a prolonged embarrassing event between the two of you (Getting lost in the woods together, for example). This will facilitate the breaking of the Tsun shell, as well as give her time to come to terms with her feelings, and warm up to you. The thing you have to watch out for is not letting her escape the situation too quickly as she will revert back to tsun, if she hasn’t fully dealt with her feelings, which will end up causing more pain to you in the future.

Kuuderes

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Kuuderes are a much easier to get a handle on compared to their Tsun cousins. As a Kuudere, these girls will often come off as cool and collected, which can be a barrier in creating the initial romantic attachment. With Kuuderes the the best advice is to keep it simple, and to spend time. Remember that underneath all that aloofness is a real girl, and the biggest pitfall about Kuuderes is to stop short just before reaching the romantic breaking point. Once they are in your harem, they are likely to be the most level headed and can help things not get too out of hand.

Danderes

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Danderes are like their Kuudere cousins, in that the hardest part about including them in one’s harem is the initial setup phase, except that instead of being high and mighty, too serious, or too self controlled, Danderes are likely to be simply dismissive, or uninterested. Initial contact is usually difficult, but once a bond of friendship has been acquired (a good method is finding or trying to find mutual interests) the burgeoning friendship should be able to last with minimal oversight, so long as you keep giving your Dandere sufficient bonding time. Amongst the harem they may be slightly awkward at first, and may need to be prodded in order to accept other friendships.

Derederes

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Derederes, are a more simple problems, as these girls show their emotions on their sleeves, as it were. So long as you are not a complete moron, (which is not uncommon for Harem Hosts) Derederes are easily the most naturally romantic, however their emotional states can be the most sensitive at points, even after becoming part of the Harem. Self doubt, shyness, and anxiety are common to Derederes and so must be kept at bay, through nurturing friendships and quality time together.

Yanderes

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Yanderes are by far the most difficult parts of a Harem, as their obsessive nature, only in the rarest occasions allows for other romantic feelings to be expressed to or expressed from the Harem Host. If you find yourself with a Yandere in the midst of your Harem, there is little recovery, unless you can alleviate her fearful obsession before she turns murderous. For once she has, there is little that can be done to change the course of events. therefore the best courses of action if you do have a mostly-fully matured Yandere are to either, get rid of her, or else, rid yourself of your harem as quickly as possible in order to fully devote yourself to your new waifu for life.


Common Male Archetypes

Prince

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The Prince is the charming romantic lead, easily won and kept with good natured romance, kindness and friendship. While perhaps not the most “interesting” they are excellent as leaders of the Harem, able to be straight-men as well as sometimes oddballs depending on their disposition. Their inclusion to the Harem is most often an excellent addition, one whose presence can be foundational to creating a peacefully coexisting Harem.

Brooding/Stoic

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The Brooding Stoic Men of the so called “Reverse Harem” are more or less the equivalent of the “normal Harem” Dandere. Reserved and seemingly uninterested, the most important thing to do with them is to break them out of their shell, in order to begin cultivating proper relationships. Many of these men also happen to be of the quietly heroic variety and so placing oneself in potentially harmful, or embarrassing situations which require their immediate assistance can be useful catalysts to forming friendship bonds and personal attachment.

Boy Lolita

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These adorable bundles of Y-chromosome Kawaii-ness are great joyful inclusions to any Reverse Harem, as their youthful playfulness is often a refreshing wind to blow away some of the macho-seriousness the Bad Boys, Intellectuals and Stoics can sometimes fall into. They are often more comedic, and are fairly easy to keep around and befriend so long as you indulge them in their kawaii activities. Just make sure you don’t upset them too badly, as they can sometimes be formidable enemies if you’re not careful.

Cool/Intellectual

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These are the kuudere equivalents in the Reverse Harem sphere, and the same advice can more or less be applies here. Keep it simple and dont give up. These particular boys might brush you off initially, but are very often much kinder people underneath then they let on… thus allowing them space to let their hair down is one of the best ways to get close to them and keep them in your harem.

“Bad Boys”

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Whether they be Mischievous, Ex-cons, or just overly-(if not always intentionally) rough, these bad boys seem to have some curious sway over the ladies, and are incredibly common as a Reverse Harem member. there are a couple of different variations, comedic, suave, self loathing, but each of them share a common disdain for social norms that is quite telling. The best way to maintain friendships is to allow oneself to be caught up in one of their mischievous activities, and then play the caring straight-woman. This is likely to soften their hearts allowing for romantic feelings. if this plan goes too well however the nature of the harem may be pulled into question, as it may lead to a romance end branch. So one must allow the Bad Boys to keep some of their “Bad” qualities for the greater good of the Harem. In the Harem itself they may come off as integral or sidelined depending on their disposition, and so some minor management may be required to help them play nice with the others.


Other Archetypes:

Trolls

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Trolls are a more comedic aspect to harems though they are sometimes not aspects of the Harem proper, but rather a secondary friend. While their antics may prove frustrating, the usual overall effect helps in encouraging Harem unity, and camaraderie overall.

Siblings

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Always a tough choice, but sometimes siblings just end up as a necessary part of the harem. Thankfully so long as you intend to keep the Harem, the fact of their sibling relation, should not prove too difficult, though you must make sure to not unduly cause tension between the siblings, nor focus only on the sibling pair, as that may cause the other Haremites to withdraw.


Some notes on activities

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When devising activities for your Harem there are a couple good pointers to follow on:

  1. Follow Your Harems Lead -If the Haremites decide on a course of action, it is usually best to go along with it, as a happy Harem stays together. However you must remember to look for dissenters as it is your job to keep the group together, more than it is directing its focus.
  2. Divide and Conquer - While activities that everyone can do together are fun, plans like beach parties can often become a kind of Harem Host attention grabbing contest for the members of the Harem. Thus a good plan is to have some activities which divvy up the groups into smaller sections to allow personal bonding time between members. Activities like planning school festival projects, or going out looking in search parties are some typical examples.
  3. Spread the Love- remember that the members of the harem are often there for you, so dont forget about spending some alone time with each of them. a good cycle of small dates/ one off adventures with each member in turn is a good start, however “accidental” occasions are usually preferable as being too obvious in your intentions for keeping a harem may cast doubt upon some of your Harem members feelings.
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Hopefully with these tips and background you can now enjoy your harem filled lives to their fullest.

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You have been reading Baka Guides. You can find our previous guides here: The Otaku’s Baka Guide to Life as we Know it, The Otaku’s Baka Guide to Avoid Unwanted Romantic/Sexual Tension and The Otaku’s Baka Guide to Playing Eroge in Public

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