Note: This piece originally was posted on April 7, 2018 but with the new season coming today, it’s only fitting that we run this back again. Enjoy!
Welcome friends! Fellow Anime connoisseurrs! You who like stories with original characters and interesting storylines! You’ll find none of that in here.
I have long and famously amongst our AniTAY authors and community hated on My Hero Academia, only to be drowned out by the cries and screams of the fan boys. So when Requiem came to me with his similar disdain for the show, it was destiny. This was necessary. No, it was required that we voice our frustrations to the blind masses yelling out in unison the praises of something so clearly undeserved.
The Hater’s guide is a creation of Deadspin’s own, Mr. Drew Magary, without his pioneering work in the field of hater-ology, we would not be here today. It is with a salute to the father of the field that we present to you today this treatise.
So, gather round! Give me your haters, your grumpy, your salts of the earth yearning to watch original, creative anime. The wretched cynics of your lands. Send these, the wandering, lost critics to me! And let us make fun of this show as god intended! This is your Hater’s Guide to My Hero Academia!
(Note: For those unfamiliar with Hater’s Guides, this is not in any way a serious post. Yes, we don’t like MHA and we don’t care if you do. This is all in good fun, as should be abundantly clear as you read. So take it with a grain of salt (HA!). This is not in any way shape or form objective criticism, but the emotionally charged screams of two raving lunatics. Enjoy)
Requiem: A show about heroes can only be as good as its villains, and with one possible exception the villains in MHA are weak as hell. Apparently in a world full of superpowers and aspiring heroes, to be a Villain requires that you be a catastrophic idiot. Don’t even get me started on Hands Guy.
Gugsy: You think it’s bad for Hands Guy? Oh boohoo everything your touch begins to disintegrate. What a good hero you’re supposed to be. What about Stain? You can freeze people but only if you can taste their blood? What the actual f*ck. How are you supposed to live in this human society? Stain wants to “improve” crime in these hero cities by murdering heroes. How in the hell is that improving society at any level? 80% of humanity has powers according to the series! Just start killing everyone you lunatic with no author foresight.
Requiem: Stain is the closest thing to a decent villain the show has. Like classic comics villains, though, his plan is stupid. Heroes aren’t as good as they should be, they fail to live up to his ridiculous ideal..so let’s fix that by killing some dudes. That’ll teach them to be better heros! By killing them! All those dead guys’ll think twice about what it means to be a hero.
Gugsy: So ridiculously stupid. Which is sad because he is easily the best villain on this dumb show and he has the dumbest plan I’ve ever seen from one of these shows. Even the Marvel villains have better plans than these fruitcakes. Hands Guy is doing What for Why? The biggest villain in this show is actually Not Trying Hard Enough. If dumb little Deku stops trying for even a second, he’s going to lose and everything this show is bashing our face in with will be for naught.
Requiem: We’re supposed to be all “ooooo” over All For One. If he’s so badass, why is All Might so sure all he needs to do is recruit a teenager and slap powers on him? He seems like the classic lame ass Saturday morning cartoon villain with an unnecessarily circuitous plan that’s bound to fail, mostly because his subordinates are morons and wear hands on their faces. In fact, this whole show is basically a lame Saturday morning cartoon, filtered through the anime pages of TVTropes.com and updated visually for the 21st century.
Gugsy: Mr Anger Management himself. Yes it’s an archetype fine, but he’s literally nothing but angry. “I got an A. Rage!” “I got a good night’s sleep. Outrage!”
Requiem: The guy has no depth beyond “I’m an asshole.” And he defies all attempts at character development. Deku saves his life? He’s still an asshole. Fights supervillains? Learns nothing, is still an asshole. Fight the strongest man alive as a team with Deku? Guess what, he goes with “be an asshole.” Bakugo is the living embodiment of Resting Bitch Face. “I’m so full of anger!” “Why? You grew up in a good neighborhood and have useful superpowers.” “Ummm...so much ANGER!”
Gugsy: He goes beyond Resting Bitch Face. Always Angry Face. It must be so tiring to be that angry about everything all the time. He’s a one note character who did nothing except give a 30 second backstory to Deku, that got immediately thrown away once Deku got his powers. It’d be one thing if this led to a sort of begrudging rivalry of sorts between these two, as tropey and cliche as it is, but to just keep him being this static rage monster is infuriating. Ha!
Requiem: The show has utterly failed to explain or justify why he’s so pissed off all the time. Dude doesn’t have a tragic backstory! What’s he so damn mad about? Anyone? Maybe he just needs Xanax.
Gugsy: He needs some f*cking Xanax stat because he is the ultimate rage monster. Good god, Deku beat you in the silliest competition ever and yet he wants to blow an atomic bomb. But you know, good character development!
Requiem: He can’t have character development. I think it’s his kryptonite. Like, if he learns anything or reflects on himself or matures at all he loses his Splodey Hands powers. Actually, they should’ve just make it that he needs to be mad for his powers to work. That might have been interesting, narratively. But “narratively interesting” interesting isn’t really this show’s speed.
Gugsy: “Narratively interesting” are a pair of words this show does not understand.
Gugsy: These two are alright.
Requiem: Frog Girl being named “Froppy” is dumb but otherwise, these characters are inoffensive. If only the show was about them!
Gugsy: Oh man. This fucking guy. I can’t be bothered to even learn his name. There is not one person I hate more on this show than this purple pervert freak. Why? Why does he exist here? Basically just to get four year olds to laugh at dumbshit slapstick pervert bullshit.
Requiem: He likes boobs. And he has sticky things on his head, and his costume looks like he’s wearing a diaper Because he’s immature, GET IT???. What a tremendous waste of space ol GrapeHead MacPerv is.
Gugsy: It’s doubly infuriating because I don’t understand why he even exists because nothing he does fits in with anything else on the show. There’s absolutely no ecchi, and there’s not even really fanservice, but this little shit has to pop up for his episodic nonsense all the time. It’s as if the author wrote the entire series without him, and his editors came back telling him they needed someone for anime-trope sexual harassment jokes or he wouldn’t get published so he just got thrown in there.
Requiem: That’s probably close to the truth. He feels like a character that came from an editor’s notes. “Sure, but you need a *funny* guy!” If he’s supposed to be comic relief, he has failed this city...I mean, show. He’s pure purple ass. That scene where he overcomes the challenge by being powered by love of oppai might work in High School DxD, but in this show it’s just groan worthy. Every second of air time this guy gets is wasted time they could’ve spent attempting to make, I don’t know, Earjack Girl or Tail Guy more interesting.
Gugsy: He even has a cooler power than Earjack Girl or Tail Guy! He could be a Grape Spiderman but who cares about that because we got boob jokes and locker room spying and jiggling to focus on instead! Shoot this guy into the freaking sun and this show vastly improves.
Gugsy: Oh boy Requiem! Let’s do this! I wonder what’s going to happen on our upcoming season 3! I wonder if there will be some totally ill thought-out plan by the awful villains we’ve already touched on! “You know what makes crime go down? If you have even more HORRIBLE CRIMES HAPPENING LIKE MURDER? THIS IS BRILLIANT! LESS HEROES MEANS LESS CRIMES! My logic is totally infallible”.
Requiem: Hey, you think they’ll fight Hand-E-Man or Dr. Handface or whatever his name is, and his Legion of Doof...I mean Doom? I wonder if one of the kids will get into danger only to be saved by the Power of Friendship ™ ! I WONDER IF ALL MIGHT WILL COME TO HELP, YOU THINK THAT MAY HAPPEN GUGSY???
Gugsy: No but you’re forgetting that in a society that is 80% super powered, the only people that can save us from the most ineffectual villains ever are a class of middle school kids barely a year into learning about being a hero. Forget even other schools. They don’t even care about any other classes. Or any of the teachers other than All Might. It’s as if it was Scooby Doo but with superheroes.
Requiem: Why do they even have other classes? They’re apparently full of worthless bystanders. A whole school in a whole city of people who can shoot lasers and blow snow out their ears or whatever, and yet every single incident just happens to center on All Might and Crybaby the Hero Stan. So I imagine S3 is a whole bunch of fighting, then Deku saves the day, probably after Todoroki saves him first. This show is written by a computer programmed with Shounen tropes.
Gugsy: But before we can get to [stock villain plan], we will first have to do [training arc] in which these heroes will [learn new powers] and we’ll learn more about [backstory] before finally culminating in [villain’s plan] in which [heroes lose] but actually [new powers] and [power of friendship] will give our heroes new strength and then they will stop [stock villain plan] but not before [appreciating the strength of the enemy]. Nothing will change of any consequence because that’s not what these shows do. They fake progress through great OSTs and visuals when the story and characters are static and stuck in the status quo forever and ever. Now it’s time for Season 4!
Gugsy: Mr Superman who’s just a bleh. Is Superman really the pinnacle of all of our superhero concepts? This series is so stupid. All for One and One for All what in the. My god, you have a superpower that allows you to observe all other superpowers, what else do you need? Well clearly a superpower to heal a debilitating illness which is only debilitating whenever the plot calls for it. Just call yourself Clark already and get over yourself.
Requiem: As an American I take great offense that All Might is how Japan sees American comics. He’s a complete dolt. Oh I have the ability to confer superhuman powers to someone, let me give them to a child. Why not give him a bazooka as well? Did I mention the powers regularly shatter the young boy’s body? Super responsible, All Might. And he fed the kid his hair.
Gugsy: Eww, hair. Could you imagine the costs for Deku to learn this stupid “everyone” power? He’d be millions if not billions in debt with this stupid power. His mother wouldn’t be crying in happiness, she’d be crying in absolute terror at the inflating hospital costs that her dumb f*cking son cost. Also, yes Harry Potter did it better you uncreative series. Hair? Polyjuice potions woo. But my bad. Maybe we need to spike those polyjuice potions with hamburgers and guns and fireworks so we can get dumbass All Might to be a marginally accurate knockoff American superhero.
Requiem: Seriously though, who pays for medical costs in this world? What kind of socialist paradise can you regularly severely injure people without racking up immense medical bills? Does every hospital have an old lady nurse who can sexually assault injuries away? And what was All Might’s plan if the power killed the little crybaby? Dump his body and hope nobody finds out? In fact, “planning” in general seems to be an issue for The Best Hero Ever.
Gugsy: Oh yes, your Sexually Assaulting Old Lady Nurse. All Might has no plan. He’s a dipshit but gets away with it because this whole show is geared to towards trying your best and everything succeeding, which would work if viewers were anything above 10 years old. Can you imagine if you were a student in one of All Might’s class? The only thing he’d be able to teach is to TRY YOUR BEST. God I’m so tired of this.
Gugsy: OH BOY REQUIEM
Requiem: LET’S DO THIS
Gugsy: OH MY GOD I’M THE WEAKEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE EVEN THOUGH 20% OF THE PEOPLE DON’T HAVE POWERS SO I’M GOING TO SADLY TRUDGE THROUGH LIFE AS GOD INTENDED UNTIL I SAY HELLO TO SOME GUY IN A KNOCK SUPERHERO COSTUME AND HE DECIDES TO GIVE ME THE GREATEST, MOST PROTECTED POWER OF ALL AND BECOME A HERO.
Requiem: I’M SO HAPPY IM GONNA CRY ABOUT IT. IN FACT I’M GONNA CRY ABOUT IT SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE THAT’S BASICALLY MY GO TO MOVE, CRYING. I HAVE TO CRY BECAUSE I WANT TO BE LIKE ALL MIGHT WHO IS THE STRONGEST HERO AND NOW THAT I HAVE THIS POWER I CAN BE LIKE THE STRONGEST HERO ALL MIGHT. DID I MENTION THE POWER SHATTERS MY BODY? I’M SURE IT’LL BE FINE CAUSE I’LL GET TRAINED BY ALL MIGHT WHO, AS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED, IS THE STRONGEST HERO.
Gugsy: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE MENTIONED IT YET BUT ALL MIGHT IS THE GREATEST HERO AND I WANT TO BE LIKE HIM AND I WANT TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT AND THE FRIENDS I MADE ALONG THE WAY BUT I NEED TO TRAIN SO I CAN BE LIKE ALL MIGHT THE NUMBER ONE HERO OF ALL TIME SO I DON’T DISAPPOINT HIM. IT’S SO HARD BUT I NEED TO DO MY BEST AND MAKE SURE I DON’T DISAPPOINT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DEPEND ON ME INCLUDING ALL MIGHT THE STRONGEST HERO BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE IN ME AND I NEED TO DO MY BEST.
Requiem: I NEED TO DO MY BEST TO WIN THE SCHOOL FESTIVAL BECAUSE ALL MIGHT IS WATCHING AND HE IS THE BEST HERO AND I NEED TO IMPRESS HIM BUT INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON WINNING AND BEATING TODOROKI I’M GONNA TRY TO FIX HIS DOMESTIC ISSUES. I SHOULD STRESS I’M GOING TO TRY AND REPAIR HIS FAMILY ISSUES DURING THE FIGHT BECAUSE TO ME THIS MAKES THE MOST SENSE. OH NO I LOST THE FIGHT BUT ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT I HELPED A FRIEND ISN’T THAT RIGHT ALL MIGHT????
Gugsy: I HELPED MY FRIEND WITH HIS LIFELONG FAMILY ISSUES BY YOU GUESSED IT TRYING MY BEST AND NOW HE’S JUST ANOTHER IN MY MALE HAREM OF DUDES WHO LOVE ME BECAUSE I TRY MY BEST AND ALWAYS WORK HARD FOR MY FRIENDS AND ALSO FOR ALL MIGHT WHO IS THE GREATEST HERO. BUT OH KNOW WHAT’S THIS? ALL MIGHTS GREATEST ENEMY IS A GUY WHO HAS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE POWER THAT HE DOES. OH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? I GUESS THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS WORK HARD AND TRY MY BEST ALONG WITH ALL THE FRIENDS WE MADE ALONG THE WAY SO I CAN BE LIKE ALL MIGHT THE NUMBER ONE HERO.
Requiem: ME AND KACCHAN DO NOT GET ALONG HE’S NOT LIKE ALL MIGHT WHO IS THE NUMBER ONE HERO BUT WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER TO FIGHT ALL MIGHT WHO AS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED IS THE BEST HERO BECAUSE HE’S ALL MIGHT WHO IS BETTER THAN KACCHAN WHO I DON’T GET ALONG WITH.
Gugsy: BUT ONE OF THESE DAYS WE WILL GET ALONG AND WE’LL FIGHT TOGETHER AGAINST THE VILLAINS WHO WANT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD FOR POOR REASONS AND KACCHAN AND I WILL USE OUR NEWFOUND LOVE AND TRUST IN EACH OTHER TO BELIEVE IN EACH OTHER AND ALL MIGHT THE NUMBER ONE HERO AND WE WILL TRY REALLY HARD AND DO OUR BEST BECAUSE THATS WHAT ALL MIGHT WOULD WANT US TO DO AND WORK TOGETHER AND BELIEVE THAT WE CAN DO THIS BECAUSE IF WE BELIEVE IN OURSELVES AND IN EACH OTHER THEN WE CAN DO ANYTHING EVEN BE LIKE ALL MIGHT THE NUMBER ONE HERO .....
It is here that Requiem and Gugsy both spontaneously combusted and turned to ash. What is written here is the only decipherable text left as the rest was just scribbles and symbols forever left untranslatable.