Salt Lake City Suffers Saltiest Salt Yet [UPDATED]

SALT LAKE CITY - Salt Lake City, Utah, is famously known for its Salt Lake, the only entirely landlocked body of water its size in the world. Unfortunately, over the past few days, the salt levels of the lake have risen to extraordinary levels.

“It’s astounding,” one scientist said. “It’s almost like someone is channeling the salt from the entire anime fandom and dumping it into the lake.”


“The salt content has never been higher,” another scientist told Faux News. “The numbers started rising around 5 years ago and has been increasing exponentially ever since.”

I went to interview local resident and supreme ruler of AniTAY, Dexomega, for his thoughts. “Well, I’ve lived here for about five years and it’s always been fine to me,” he replied when asked. “Also, did you hear about Wit Studio’s new anime? It’s the same damn thing as Attack on Titan, and everyone is hyping it. It’s annoying me, so I’m probably going to go for a swim in the lake later today.”

While the cause of the salt in the lake is still a mystery, scientists say it’s only going to get worse.

“You haven’t even seen the lineup for anime this summer yet,” a scientist said. “It’s only going to get worse when they all turn out to be terrible.”


Update: We’re also receiving reports that Kansas is still a deserted wasteland.

Update: Salt intensifies.

Update: Deserted wasteland intensifies.

Update: Prairie dogs are edible.

Update: Are they salty?

Update: Not as salty as a certain admin who keeps editing this article.

Update: Hey! I’ll do what I want.

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