TOKYO, JAPAN - The prefectural government of Tokyo just signed off on the establishment of an institution catering to a particularly poorly-represented portion of the population.
“The Watari Institute for the Judgmentally Impaired will be the first step for our society in providing care for a previously ignored subset of disadvantaged residents,” said governor Yuriko Koike.
“This announcement comes at an opportune time,” “Mama” Luigi, president of the Order of Yui, told reporters. “With the recent announcement of the third season of My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU, the condition of many Shizuka Stans is expected to deteriorate in the near future. We hope that this institution will be the more humane alternative than letting them suffer.”
“To be honest, this whole thing is a bit insulting. Calling us ‘judgmentally impaired’ for liking the woman who would by far be the best choice for Hikki is ridiculous and completely spits in the face of logic,” argued one online respondent by the name of NomadicDec.
“It’s exactly individuals such as this that I trained to help for years in medical school,” Doctor Kevin told reporters. “He doesn’t even realize the depth of his depravity. In the mental-canon universe of the Shizuka Stan, Shizuka is actually a viable candidate for Hikki. It’s just completely and utterly divorced from reality.”
“I’m against building this thing, and I’ll tell you why,” area man mdubs said. “They made their choice, and frankly I don’t think it should be on us to foot the bill for their poor decision making.”
“This is a common misconception that I believe is very harmful,” Doctor Kevin responded. “The character you stan is not something that one can consciously alter. Shizuka stans need our compassion in order to properly heal.”
“This whole crisis has been quite confusing for me,” SNAFU author Wataru Watari said. “I deliberately created several potential love interests for Hikki, and Shizuka was never one of them. I have no idea what these guys’ problem is. Their judgement is clearly impaired.”
“It’s self-flagellation, quite frankly,” added Doctor Bakanakoto Iunayo. “Even if they won’t admit it (and quite a few do), the Shizuka Stan knows that Shizuka doesn’t stand a chance. She’s not even in high school! Regardless, these poor people cast their terrible opinions on the internet, waiting to be brutally massacred by the other, far more popular characters’ fans. It’s honestly shameful that nothing has been done about this before.”
Although opinion seems to be divided on the Institute, there’s one thing that everyone can agree on: Shizuka was literally never an option in the first place.