Picture the scene, we're both sitting on the river bank and it's just after school with the sun just starting to cast a brilliant orange over us. The wind reasonably gentle, we see the grass waver back and forth, just like my courage and will power in an attempt to write this. It's one of those moments, where we're both not brave enough to speak up, to talk to each other and instead just blush and shy away. Turning our heads away from the situation and from each other, we just sit there in stone cold silence. It's almost like that scene in Daily Lives of High School Boy (more of us need to watch this) You just sat their reading your book/manga/porno mag and I'm just watching you from afar, afraid that whatever I say is not enough, is stupid, is wrong and all sort of other variables I couldn't possibly process in my head in an effort to try and talk to you.
Then I decided to go home, sit in front of a computer and typed up this.
Hi, I'm Fruity Drinks but you can call me Ken since we're good friends already due to the fact you bothered to read this far and I'm not going to lie, if you read till the end then I think this is the start of something new. (They were the days of the High School Musicals)
As of writing this, which is sometime early January but let's be honest I probably won't finish this and publish it till mid-February. Hey it's Cameron's Britain I live in, don't blame me. So what I am about to express is probably very old and irrelevant news, might be featured on the History Channel someday.
I felt like I needed a moment to look back after New Year's, and play around with some of my thoughts when someone quipped at the idea that Ani-TAY should be bigger, in which then I might have appeared of a Debbie Downer with my dystopian view of Ani-TAY during a skype conversation. A community member then promptly afterwards published his article on his views of Ani-TAY and asked us what is the future of Ani-TAY. I'm no Far Seer, Dark Magician or Blues-Eyes White Dragon but I feel like maybe I should mould my insane and mad ramblings from the Skype conversation and shape it to something that might be more digestible but with equal amounts of pictures, because I'm English. So in good hypocritical fashion I'm going to list the seven things I hate about you (Seven, because of Miley)
1. Listings & Top X of Y in Z
We are way too overly saturated with top X of Y. Honestly isn't it rather drab? It's so uninspired and mundane. Last time I checked the URL or my history, I didn't type AnimeBuzzFeed.Com. It's like we're a sub-urban mum trying to feel relevant to her family by making a list to ensure her family still functions as human beings.
"Top 10 things the family needs….water…warmth….computer games…Netflix….err…cabbage I guess and that funky shit we always eat on Thursday."
Do you remember Cracked? No, you probably might if you had some of it, or are we all already smoking it when we want to write a Top anything? I don't understand if I wanted to see this type of content, would I be better served elsewhere? It's like turning up to a Chinese Take-Away and then looking at the menu only to find the same English food you've been trying to get away from (Talking to you, the take-away down the road from me!). If I wanted English food I would've thrown my own ass into the kitchen to churn up something of equal quality at home and eat my own sorrow. Hey, maybe if I look around I'll find the "Top 5 sinks to wash away the blood of the innocent you've slaughtered" especially after I finished cooking.
2. Strong Whiff of Circle Jerking
Does it hurt to share a different opinion every now and then? Especially when sometimes I see collaborations in which both participants just agree with one another. It feels like something I travelled back in time and witnessed the upper class people of Victorian England, "One shan't disregard the status quo and disagree with others, lest it sour the taste of my tea and with it, my mood for the day". Or for you gansta amongst us, imagine you turn up at your fly girl's parent's house and meet them for the first time. You've got to play it straight man, no messing around. Keep it cool and calm; don't bring that "thug lyfe" attitude in here, unless you want to be threatened with a lawyer or a visit from the neighbourhood watch. Trying to validate yourself as an appropriate lover for your fly girl and justify your many merits to her parents. It isn't natural, and you're not about that life! If I wanted to feel awkward and out of place, I'd just go to sauna from my local golf club. You KNOW that shit be NASTY with all the old guys, Trust me G, you don't want none of that.
Right I'm going to excuse myself for a moment in the lavatory, so I'll leave you in the care of one of my most trusted friend, Old Man Anime Fan.
"Evening, I've been tasked to pinch hit for Ken or "Fruity Drinks" as you may know him from his online persona. Yes, I'm old; I'm a man, and definitely an anime fan. Right shall we start?
Are you trying to scare people away or alienate yourselves from people? It seems like you're plastering an unreasonable love for someone random all over yourselves and where ever else you strut your stuff. Last time I saw a fan plastering his love for something, it was on a character pillow and the difference was, I couldn't see the stains. At least back in my day we had posters but then, we were all rigid and too square to try anything like that. If memory serves me right, 4chan /lit/ did something very similar with some poor girl on YouTube where she talked about nice books that were published around the time I was a lad. Let me see… that ended with her rescinding her YouTube account, deleting Facebook page and hiding herself from social media since henceforth. What about Reddit with the stop girl? She went to the media and told people online that she found it rather unsettling and creepy. See a following theme here? History might dictate a similar outcome to the previous events before long. It's doesn't even stop there, I've seen mechs flying around on my screen while I'm browsing about. Imagine a wasp buzzing and flying around you, and it's floating on the edge of your peripheral vision, you turn to try and swat it away or even end it but you realize. It's not real.
Look I'll let you in on a secret, Ken did something very similar once, and that he too once displayed his undying affection to a young fair maiden. It resulted with him getting his ass handed to him in court and a restraining order for life. Don't tell him I told you about that though. *clears throat*"
That's enough Old Man Anime Fan, look I've put on some Legend of the Galactic Heroes, you're relieved of duty. Grumpy old git…
4. Ani-TAY Café with No Drinks?
Look I'm totally ashamed of what has happened and I know I should have done something about it, and I should have raised this issue internally, but it's too late and it's all coming out. The pictures that accompany our Ani-TAY Sunday café have no relation to anything that resembles a café! This has to be fixed, it's an abhorrent mistake I've made and a sin I must atone.
A Café with no drinks is like Free!! Without topless men, or Gundam without Mechs, Ecchi show without a harem, a slice of life without my beautiful yuri under tones or dare I say it, an anime without high schoolers. *dun-dun-duun*
I bear this cross, and I bear it alone.
5. Become More Aggressive
We should be doing a call to arms, rallying together and arming ourselves with pitchforks and torches (the ones with fire, or maybe flashlights WOULD be more appropriate…). How is it that we're not under related blogs for TAY or Kotaku, yet Pokémon, numbers and cosplay are? I mean the word Kotaku is a compound word, K & Otaku. Funny thing, Otaku, heavily associated with anime. And guess what, Ani-TAY, all about anime! How isn't it related?! It's like having a blog dedicated to "cheesecake", and the only related blogs is "cheese blog r us" WHERE'S THE CAKE?! For crying out loud, I freaking love cake, it's the soul and beating heart of the cheesecake! So in contrast why doesn't Kotaku & TAY recognise us as a relatable blog? Kotaku even have dedicated people to write about the stuff that we write and discuss about on their main page. I don't know maybe Kotaku is secretly a tsundere and doesn't want us to be publicly affiliated with us, but secretly wants us around. For crying out loud, anime is recognised as a proper word in English on Microsoft Word but cosplay isn't! If I had known the barrier of entry was set so low, I should have named a blog titled "=\X/=M0NT4G3=\X/=" where we could discuss conspiracy theories about Half Life 3, Season 3 of Spice and Wolf and all the other things that are slightly affiliated to Kotaku.
Look I'm going to be honest here, I don't really have an extra 2 things to say that I hate about you guys. Hell, hate is a really strong word that I wouldn't use to describe my feelings towards Ani-TAY, it was just really good way to segue into my point, while referencing a fun song. Yes there's a 12 year old girl inside of me that really enjoys this song, and will sometime break out and sing it. So yeah now that's all out in the air, I don't know what will happen in the future. It's just something I felt you awesome people deserve to know, and a tiny little insight into the esoteric ideas that are intrinsically housed within the ineffable entity that is Fruity Drinks. (I hate my editor (Yeah I'm also surprised I have an editor))
After writing this, I feel like I'm that one guy who attended an anime convention wearing a nice suit. There are a multitude of things wrong with that, the suit is going to get ruined, and it'll be really hot and sweaty during the convention, I'll look really out of place when everyone is dressed more appropriately and you know in the end I'll just end up looking like a weirdo and a bit of a tool. But hey! At least I stand out.
Fruity Drinks is not responsible for any of the consequent events that should transpire after the publication of this freaking awesome piece of literature. Should you happen to disagree with any of the above content, please transcribe your comments & thoughts on a piece of parchments and send it via Owl to Avian Sama, Minulle.
Fruity has nothing much going on, so for you people expecting some crazy story or situation to be told. I'm sorry to say there's nothing to tell you. Life is like that sometimes.