Last weekend at Kevin's Maid Cafe, I found more than just good food and tsundere service, I found talent, and not in the way you would expect.

Illustration for article titled FruityDrinks Makes It Big Time

Ken, who you might know by his username and now stage name Fruity Drinks, has taken the idol scene by storm.

It all started as an innocent dream. "I just wanted to be kawaii, you know man?" Ken told me one day. He began collecting money to travel to Japan and start his career several months ago after a life-changing event. "I won't go into details, but there are some people around here that really want my head right now," he said. "I've gotta lie low, get out of the country."


And get out he did. He made his way across the Atlantic to the United States, and backpacked across the country to California. "Hitch-hiking isn't easy, man. One time I got a ride with this one guy driving a windowless white van, and he offered to paint my house for free. It was a scary time," Ken commented. "One day, my phone died in the early afternoon and I was cut off from anime for like twenty minutes until I found a rest station to charge my phone."

But being a survivor, Ken made it, and having put on his Japanese schoolgirl outfit he managed to get his first paying gig- at Kevin's Maid Cafe. "When I found out I was in, it was exhilarating, to say the least," he told me. "I sang my heart out, did a few dance moves, and winked at a nice looking girl to my left a couple of times, and before I knew it I was being taken to Japan."


And he was, quite literally. "That Japanese schoolgirl has talent," Kei Takebuchi said, who was sitting next to me when Ken performed. "I gotta import that stuff to Japan." As soon as Ken finished, Kei bought him a drink laced with a drug and escorted him into a car, where he was then taken to an airport and flown to Japan. Now, you might be asking why I didn't stop her, but the answer was clear to me from the beginning: this was Ken's dream, to be kidnapped by mdubs' waifu and forceably relocated to Japan.

Ken now sings for AKB48 as one of over 100 idols in the group. "It's nice being part of the girls," was all Ken could say when I called him yesterday. Unfortunately, Ken was the lucky one that day, as mdubs rushed into the cafe just as Kei left. "Damn, she got away from me again," he muttered, taking a sip out of Kei's abandoned coffee before storming right back out.


Only one question now remains: what exactly did Ken do with those bodies back in England?

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