DEL TACO, UTAH
It was an expected result, but people were still devastated to learn that this year’s tournament arc was canceled. In a time honored tradition, aspiring angsty teenagers gathered to shout at one another and spend roughly 44 minutes fighting one another for the amusement of grown ass men
pirating streaming from home.
“We had to consider the safety of all of our shounen protagonists,” Deputy Guy in Charge of Special Decision Making and Shit Like That Gary Busey told VICE. “If one of them got sick, it would be hell for us.”
“It was an easy decision,” wrote Chairman Cherry Chairsmith. “The NCAA is far more exploitative of their students they use for sport, so we figured we couldn’t ‘one-up’ them on this matter.”
Stay tuned to channel e for all of your news. Up next, Fisten Arsehol with the weather.