It all began with a tweet. At 2 pm Tuesday afternoon, local Twitter activist @Sakura6969 posted about their frustration with FUNimation’s decision to ban noted industry clown and serial rapist, Vic Mignogna.
“Frankly, I’m tired of FUNimation and Crunchyroll cramming their shitty SJW politics down my throat,” declared Sakura6969. “This is why I pirate. It’s time for everyone to take a moral stance against companies who mock the very people they supposedly market their products to.”
“It’s a well known fact that anime fans are the most discriminated-against class of people in the entire world,” added another user, GiseishaIsMe. “I’m glad someone is finally speaking out for our community. We’ve held our heads up high and never complained once. It’s time to change that.”
Contrary to this claim, a recent study conducted by graduate researchers at Yale concluded that anime fans are the most obnoxious fandom on the internet.
“It was actually quite shocking,” one researcher told us. “I thought for sure the K-Pop fans would dominate, but I guess the allure of the waifus is too strong for these weirdos.”
According to the project, anime fans complain about random details in anime roughly three thousand times more than the Standard Internet Complaint Deviation, also known as SICD.
“Frankly, any score above the SICD indicates unhealthy obsession. With an average score this high, one is left to wonder: do any of these people have anything better to do?” Mused one comment on an article discussing the report.
“We have noticed an interesting correlation between people claiming to pirate in protest of our company and people who have never paid for an anime service in their lives,” an unnamed FUNimation employee going by the username GenFN told me over Skype.
“I don’t pirate because I’m a selfish, entitled idiot, okay?” Sakura6969 insisted. “I do it because I care.”
“If FUNimation catered to my every whim, I still probably wouldn’t pay for their service,” admitted another Twitter user. “But I want them to know anyways that they have lost a customer today due to their actions.”
Can one lose a customer that never existed in the first place? This haunting question continues to puzzle industry professionals.
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