At the most recent summit of nerds who like anime, famed series Aldnoah.Zero was declared the best anime of 2015.

“It’s not that we didn’t take future shows from this year into consideration, but more so that we all just wanted Aldnoah.Zero to win and also didn’t take future shows from this year into consideration,” one judge told me.

“But if it makes the whiners feel better,” another chimed in, “we didn’t take into consideration any already existing shows either in making the decision.”

Aldnoah.Zero is famed for its unique and intriguing style of storytelling, as well as its head writer, Gen Urobuchi.

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“He’s just the best,” one judge confided to me. “I just love how he can take useless characters and then BAM! Splat! They’re dead. Super awesome!”

“You’re aware that Urobuchi was only involved in the first three episodes of the first season, right?” I inquired.

“...Really? But his name is in the credits.”

Perhaps the most lauded portion of Aldnoah.Zero is how it never tricks or unreasonably deceives its audience, instead building an organic story. However, this would all be for nothing if it weren’t for the cleverly designed characters to drive the plot.

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“Inaho is a pretty interesting character,” one judge told me. “He just seems to be able to win all of these battles in such a reasonable fashion, it never seems ridiculous to the audience, other than the fact that he is just able to magically overcome obstacles with his eye and completely ignore science in general.”

“Inaho is pretty great, but I’ve got to say that my favorite character is Slaine,” another judge mentioned.

Indeed, Slaine had been chosen as anime character of the year, and every judge casted their votes while lying on free Slaine body pillows provided by the voting host site.

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“See, the thing about Slaine is how relatable he is. I felt like I always understood where he was coming from, especially in that moment when he saved the man who was trying to kill his beloved on a whim. Just so relatable,” the judge continued.

It was at this point that I realized that this voting panel couldn’t possibly be legit, something I should have realized when I saw that it was hosted in the basement of one of the judge’s parents.