Screenshot: Konosuba (Crunchyroll)

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND — During the latest Large Hadron Collider renovation, a group of CERN physicists still too socially awkward to go out clubbing took the calibration period as an opportunity to improve their dating prospects by secretly opening a portal to another world, once they realised they lived in Geneva and were liable at best to only meet attractive diplomats or lawyers working at NGOs. Head of the project and secret member of a doujin-translating circle specialising in netorare hentai, Dr. Norman Ray, had been struggling with Tinder and spontaneous waifu pillow purchases until he was inspired by the premise of The Rising of the Shield Hero. “As far as I can tell, this is the first isekai to really acknowledge the implications of parallel universes and the potential of multiple versions of our Earth.” Not wanting to be outdone by a light novel author, Dr. Ray and his team set their sights on a fantasy realm, reasoning that every fantasy isekai protagonist thus far has inadvertently ended up with a harem using their modern knowledge to overcome the situation.

It was only once their test subject actually entered the realm that the team realised they had made a terrible mistake: they had linked to an alternate Japanese high school instead. Aside from not speaking the language, unfortunately the test subject had biologically regressed. “Still, not all hope was lost at that point; we reasoned that the test subject could just be a new foreign exchange student.”

It was then that disaster struck: the test subject arrived on the same day as a new transfer student, who immediately took the back row seat next to the window. “We considered abandoning the research there and then; we have ample data on unrequited love interests.” Still, they preserved for a time until tragedy struck. “Turns out, that particular alternate Japanese high school was the also battleground for a survival game, and we totally forgot about yanderes from parallel worlds as a variable.”

This is just the latest in a recent series of beleaguered real-life isekai attempts, the most notorious experiment occurring in 2016, where multiple test subjects were run over by trucks. No data is available on the rate of reincarnation.

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The only recorded success of a person being transporting into a medieval fantasy world in aid of improving dating prospects occurred in 2017. Unfortunately, that person was a woman and thus was relegated to an aromantic supporting role.