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A.C.W. Day 4 - The AniTAY Report

^^^Look, a revolver with an infinite clip! I didn’t know Hollywood was making anime now...

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Well, I would like to say that the conspiracy continues, but as you’ll find out through reading my front line reporting from today, I’m not so sure of the veracity of such a claim. I’m not even sure of my own trustworthiness, as I may have been drugged my the real conspiracy behind the conspiracy...I guess I’ll still report today’s findings though. I give you the Late Report, with my self-doubt and meta-ish feelings.

Like, I really want to tell you that this is all a sham and that everyone but me is lying to you, but that’d be difficult for me to say. I mean, I don’t know their lives. They could be going through some tough times, and they need some dough so they joined some questionable “marketing campaign” to make some money on the side. Oh, and here, have a thing by Devin Not-sure-if-real-or-fake:

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For example, I had an uncle, let’s just call him Uncle Bob, because that’s what his name was, if all my memories of him aren’t just thoughts implanted in my head by some “conspiracy” that may or may not exist, but anyway, Uncle Bob was kind of the family loon. He always thought there was somebody out to get him, his money, or his little rubber duck he carried around with him all the time. We only ever saw him about twice a year, but everyone always laughed behind his back about stuff, and it made me feel bad because if you took the time to talk to him, he really was a nice guy. I guess I should tell you to read this other thing by Ishamael today, but really it’s your decision, I can’t force you. Maybe the possibly-existent-possibly-non-existent conspiracy could force you...It’s really up to you.

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But anyway, Uncle Bob would always talk to this rubber duck, but if you asked him about what he was saying to it, he would deny its existence...I thought that was kind of strange, but hey, people do what people do, it’s not my business, so I stopped asking after a while. As he got older, he still carried that rubber duck around and talked to it, and I ended up being the only one talking to him. Ever. So really what I’m trying to say here, I guess, is that..you know...you sometimes have to do things that may not make any sense, like getting in a giant robot, but that will end up being helpful, sorta. (Oh and here’s this great thing by Morie. It’s hands-down the best Comedy-Week-not-Comedy-Week post ever. 100% serious. It’s got Engrish.)

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And what Uncle Bob did really was helpful. Talking to his rubber duck, that is. It turned out that when he died, some dudes in black suits that wore sunglasses indoors showed up. Like, they showed up not 5 minutes after he died. They didn’t even ring the doorbell. We don’t know how they got in, but one second it was just family in the room, then next there were those guys who just appeared behind us. They didn’t say a word, just picked up Aunt Susie (not married to Uncle Bob, he was a loner) by the shoulders and moved her out of the way as they made a bee-line to Uncle Bob. They uncurled his still-warm fingers from around his rubber duck, removed it, and put it in a special briefcase one of them had handcuffed to his wrist. We all guessed they were insane, because there was no way the rubber duck was important. (Haken talks about pretty boys)

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So, there we were, all standing there in shock, as a 6’ 3” man with a buzz cut and shades takes Uncle Bob’s rubber duck and put it in a case for safety. He then says “evenin’ ma’am” as he tips an imaginary hat and they all walk backwards out of the room, never breaking eye contact. 27 years later, it was disclosed that one man had single-handedly taken down the Italian mafia, the Colombian cartels, the Soviet Union and Dairy Queen in a hard-hitting report on a world-wide conspiracy. Yup. It was Uncle Bob. All those years of talking to his rubber duck that he carried every where in his hand, pocket, or special custom-made shoulder mount/perch, were very important. Proton follow his dreams:

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Uncle Bob had a high-tech video and audio recording device inside his rubber duck. How he got it there and how nobody ever noticed was beyond our comprehension. Everybody felt really bad for ridiculing him for it, but I felt like I had done even wore by letting him down. I never tried to shoulder his burden, take the focus off of him, but it was too late. He was already gone, and his rubber duck too. I think what I’m trying to get at here is that, even if you’ve got to talk to your favorite rubber duck every now and then, you should do what’s right and not really care if people ridicule you. But even more than that, Uncle Bob’s rubber duck is what inspired me to become what I am, or was...or maybe just imagined, depending on whether or not some “conspiracy” laced my sandwich from t=yesterday’s lunch with LSD and place fake thoughts in my head or something. A yandere announcement was issued today:

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So here I am, at least I think this is where I am, sitting on the beach typing this on a keyboard they may or may not be a figment of my imagination, just like that dude wearing body armor made out of coconuts down the beach while he swordfights with an egret for a little fish. I was once an Official AniTAY Reporter with truthfulness as my heart and guide. I know that part for sure...I think. Somewhere along the way the lines got all crossed up and I ended up taking on what I thought was a great conspiracy. A body goes missing (you’ll notice the didn’t say person):

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So I went at it with all my might, even made a series of articles each day to wrap up the events that happened, for all the people that wanted a one-stop place to find everything. I kept saying that I was right and this other guy wasn’t, but really I think that deep down, I just wanted to have a “rubber duck” of my own, you know? Like I had something special. Something that when I died, some creepy dudes from the NSA or CIA or something like that would come in, grab, and run off with, leaving everyone in the room dumbfounded. And then, years later they find out I did something great, and it changes their lives. Maybe inspires somebody do chase what they love. Just like YandereStorm does in the second half of this interview:

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Or I could write a book about it and have it hidden somewhere for somebody to find a century later, with a note giving them instructions to have it published for the public to see. I t might eve become someone’s favorite book, and they could talk about it to people, like YandereStorm does in this article:

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I also learned that you should chase your heart, but its best to do it metaphorically, otherwise you’ll end up going nowhere. I love AMVs and a while ago decided to start bringing some to AniTAY and sharing how I felt about them, because sharing feeling is what it’s all about. Just like YandereStorm does in this unapproved, non-official, bootlegged AMV of the Week. But I’m not mad she did it or anything...baka.

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The ended with an OP/ED a Day article. It really reminded me about taking life one day at a time, and the meaning of truly deep writing. Everybody could always uses some more rumba in their life. And you can really think about that statement metaphorically, because in the end, your rumba may be different from my rumba. My rumba is a good rubber duck. If you’ve stuck around this long, please tell me what your rumba is...

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So this is usually where I throw around some words about the day, but today’s words are a bit different - peace, coconut armor, yandere love, Krakken, tranquility, harpoons, metaphysics. Doesn’t that make you feel better? Anyways, have a day.

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Be there, be care, be a bear - The Anti-Bearorrist Division.

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