Parenthood… the almost inescapable result of actually capitalizing on one of those many high school relationships you probably had to deal with years ago. However, now that you have progressed past that stage and into the most tragic and depressing part of one’s life, it is now paramount that you learn to deal with your new progenies.

Or maybe you don’t, as is increasingly a mainstay of parenting nowadays. As even a cursory survey of anime attests, the absence of parents allows for the exponential growth and maturing of young people, as well as a 500% increase in their chances to become one of those highly coveted Most-important-high-schoolers, thereby increasing their survival rate by 300% with a 250% increase in their chances of long term happiness. As such, it becomes advisable and perhaps even preferable to leave your children to their own devices. So, in order to satisfy your now more expansive free time, here now is Baka Guide’s travel guide to keep you away from your maturing and independent kids.

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The Office

Okay I know many of you are thinking, “Why would I give up on my kids for the office?” Well if you are thinking that, this one piece of advice might not be for you, but to the others of you out there who understand, children can truly be an incredible burden for those attempting to climb the corporate ladder, or those in charge of large scale projects, departments, yakuza, companies or the mecha-based earth defense force of Tokyo-3. Thus having your children out of the way can be an incredible boon for you and them, allowing your previously suppressed ambitions to finally be unbridled and run free, whilst they learn the necessary lesson of how cutthroat the real world actually is.


Time Off

For those of you to whom the idea of catching up on work is slightly more abhorrent than actually caring for your children, perhaps just a little time out of the home is more up your alley. Take some valuable vacation, go to the nearest beach or mountainside resort, and get some well deserved R&R. Done frequently enough, these minor vacations can add up to some valuable away time, as well as provide meaningful maturation for your kid(s) back at home. Remember that absenteeism does not need to be total 100% all the time to count.


Casinos

Need to get out of the house and burn through the paycheck in your pocket? The local bar and casinos are probably open, and completely free of children. The lights and sounds are a perfect way to lose oneself, and will suffice to entertain you for hours, guaranteed. Especially good for the vain, depressed, indulgent and optimistically superstitious amongst you absentee parents.


Foreign Chateau

To the rich foreigners amongst you parents: latter school life is an especially good time to send kids to boarding school, allowing you to enjoy the pleasures of your foreign chateau, eloquent mansion or private island as proper adults should. The simple pleasures of these abodes can finally be enjoyed by you who know them better than anyone, and besides, I’m sure the butler and maid staff could use a break from the youngsters. So go ahead, feel free to enjoy fruit of the hard work your families have put into your current position. You’ve earned it.


Cross country Backpacking Trip

With your newfound freedom, why not go and see the world? I mean, between kids and chores and work, who has time to enjoy Mother Nature? So get out there! Enjoy nature. Find, explore, go on an adventure! Climb every mountain! Ford every stream! The world is your oyster, enjoy it while you still can! Besides, the kids probably wouldn’t enjoy it anyways, and would just want their video games.


Cultural Excursion

Or perhaps you have a more anthropological bent, with cultural adventures more up your alley. Why not travel around? See the triumphs of mankind while you are still young enough to do so. Try new things, see strange sights, and enjoy new foods (of which your picky children would definitely not like one bit).


Interplanetary Travel

Is Earth a bit too close to home for you? Don’t want to be even in cell phone range of your precocious brats? Never fear, the stars await and contain wonders beyond your wildest dreams. Plus, so far as I know Virgin Mobile has not gotten radio towers in space yet… so feel free to leave your cell behind, along with your kids. P.S. (I hear that cryosleep is an excellent way to catch up on some ZZZ’s)


Death

Finally ready to call it quits? Never want to deal with possible repercussions of your absenteeism? Well there is always the permanent silence option. Full rest, no stress and completely responsibility free… And besides, this will be the best motivator your youngins could ever hope for to help them grow up… They’ll turn out just fine… We Promise!


Thanks to Devinreal13, Protonstorm, and Rockmandash12 for helping this article be awesome!

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Anime images Credits (in order of appearance) : Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Evangelion, Parasyte: The Maxim, Clannad: After Story, Ouran Highschool Host Club, FMA:B, Food Wars, Aquarion EVOL, Fate/Zero, FMA:B

You’ve been reading Baka Guides (the #1 Otaku related self help advice and guidance source on the internet). If you are interested check out our other latest guides: The Otaku’s Baka Guide to Avoid Unwanted Romantic/Sexual Tension and The Otaku’s Baka Guide to Playing Eroge in Public and The Otaku’s Baka Guide to Harem Management